An old/new world: a reverse culture shock story (part 3)

I mentioned it in the first part of this series, but there is a strange, discordant feeling when returning to a different "home" than the one you left.  It has the familiarity of a distant memory, the appearance of a place I should know, but is wholly different.  It's as though the current "home" was draped over the old "home" to create a distorted image of a place I once knew.

And because I feel as though I should know this place, I get frustrated so easily when things are not as I remembered them.  Culture shock, on the other hand, when adjusting to a different culture in Asia, was frustrating for different reasons.  I hated feeling confused and unsettled.  I hated being reminded that I was a fish out of water.  And I hated how easily I felt superior to my host culture when I found their way of doing things backwards or archaic.

But I got used to the backwards way of living.

It became my new normal.

Coming back to America where there are definitive rules, regulations, and red tape -- where I thought I would feel relieved knowing the system, has me frustrated because of the rules, regulations and red tape.

APPOINTMENTS...

The most frustrating of all is having to make appointments for EVERYTHING.  Korea was a bit more appointment-driven than Thailand, but even then, the appointment could be made within the week, or even by the next day.  I'm talking about doctor/dentist appointments, hair/cosmetic appointments, scheduling massages, going to the embassy, having maintenance done on your apartment - you name it.  Appointments in Thailand were almost nonexistent.  For companies/offices that had a physical location, they would rather you show up and wait in line rather than schedule an appointment because they wouldn't be able to keep the appointed time.  I could literally walk into a doctor's or dentist's office and be seen within minutes.  I would call my hair stylist and schedule an appointment for later that week.  Massages were fairly instantaneous.  If it was a service you were calling in (such as internet hookup or maintenance) the likelihood that they would make it on time was nil.  It was best to call and request the service at that moment.

But America.....you are obsessed with appointments.  With the exception of the emergency room or Urgent Care, good luck seeing a doctor when you're actually sick.  By the time your appointment rolls around, you've been well and back to work already.  I went to the dentist last month and tried to schedule a cavity filling as soon as possible.  The next appointment opening was in June! I told them I'd be out of the country by then and wasn't sure when I'd be back.  The receptionist said I could always call back once I knew when I'd be back in town.  I called back a week later and they said the next available appointment was in July!  I was practically seeing red at this point.  How many hundreds of people are filling cavities and getting teeth cleaning at this one dental office that makes them so busy??  I kept trying to explain that I would definitely be out of the country by then, and she said she'd put me on a wait-list if I could come in with a 15 minute notice.  As flexible as my job is, 15 minutes is not enough time.  I tried scheduling a massage (for the first time since returning to the States) last week, and the place didn't have any openings until March.  Hair appointments are just as bad.  How do people know that far in advance that they want a trim?  It seems like everywhere I go, people are asking me, "Do you have an appointment?"

DRIVE-THRUS AND MAILBOXES

On a lighter note, I'm not used to the American drive-thru system anymore.  I wouldn't use the Starbucks drive through, even if I was taking my drink to-go, because I feel so flustered talking to a speaker rather than a real person.  I'm used to ATMs being everywhere (more so in Thailand than Korea), but they are only at the bank in my hometown.  There's one outside, and one in the drive-thru.  Given my experience with drive-thrus, I never thought about using it for the ATM.  I would park my car (or bike), and walk up to the ATM on the side of the bank.  I did this for four months before I realized I could use the ATM drive-thru.

Similarly, I had totally forgotten that you could mail letters through your own mailbox by simply putting that little flag up!  I mailed a ton of letters at the post office until I was reminded in November that I could use my own mailbox to mail things.

CREDIT CARDS

Only major retailers or big restaurants accepted credit/debit cards in Thailand.  They couldn't be used in 7/11s, and some places even had a $15 minimum.  I got used to carrying around cash, or would grab some from the nearest ATM before going shopping.  Korea was a different story.  Their entire economy lives off of the plastic card.  Even little booths in a market would carry a card-reader that attached to their cell phone because they were so accustomed to people not carrying cash.  I paid all my taxis with my debit card and wouldn't think twice about it.  I could step into a 7/11 and buy something for less than a dollar and still use my card.

So coming back to America where there is still a balance of card use and cash, it was a surprise to me that places still had a minimum amount for using cards.  Or, some places will charge you to run a credit/debit card.  Charges and minimums?? We live in America people!  The money is legit, trust me.  Checks are still accepted, but they are going by the wayside since they take so long to fill out.

PLACES

I realized a couple months ago, that I could not remember street names or place names that have been around since I was little.  Visual recall is important for me to remember places, so when a friend of mine started listing off different neighborhoods, and I could not remember where they were, I actually panicked.  It was as if my memory was taken away from me.  Another friend mentioned a church that was only five minutes from my house, and since I couldn't recall what it looked like, shrugged and told her it must be a new church.  But it wasn't.  I drove by it on my way home and was so embarrassed that I couldn't recall the facade of the building.

SELF CHECK-OUT

I avoid self check-out at all costs when I get groceries or other items.  They are far too frustrating and complicated.  I'd rather hand my items to a cashier and have that person take care of it, instead of scan the items myself and look like a fool who doesn't know how to use the machine.  These don't exist in Korea or Thailand (at least, not that I'm aware of).

CLOSING TIMES

I had forgotten, after living in major cities for eight years, that my small town closes somewhere between 8-9pm.  Coffee shops start closing down as early as 4pm, and restaurants are done by 9pm.  Things get very quiet around here, and it's eerie.

RETURN POLICIES

This is something that was a relief to return to.  Living in a foreign country meant being surrounded by foreign languages.  This made trying to return an item (specifically clothing) nearly impossible.  No one has lax return policies like America! Some places have a 30-day return policy, while others a whole year!  I had a hard enough time trying to find retailers that would allow me to try on the clothes, let alone return them if they didn't fit!

These are just a few of the differences I've noticed during these last six months.  If I were to list the differences between Asian living and American living, the list would go on and on. I go through cycles of frustration and relief thinking about where I am and where I've been.  Even knowing that this is all a part of reverse culture shock, it doesn't make adjusting any easier.