There are two transitions that international living affords: culture shock and reverse culture shock.
The first shock happens when you make a substantial move from your home country to another country.
For me, this occurred when I moved to Bangkok, Thailand in July 2010. I was frustrated with myself for not adjusting better, thinking that I’d been familiar with Asian culture all my life, therefore, I could handle Thailand. I was woefully wrong. It took me six months before I could call Thailand home, and even after the first year of living abroad, I was still discovering new things about my new home that shocked me. The move to Seoul, Korea in July of 2016 was much smoother — practically seamless. I had a much more realistic view of the adjustment that needed to take place. I expected to not understand everything about the country and the people around me. I accepted my place as a foreigner, and that I would never be “Korean”.
But then I moved back to America — temporarily — and have found myself residing in a nauseating limbo, hovering somewhere between going and staying. I know that life in Oregon is only a time to regroup, recharge, and reassess my future endeavors. I know that I'll be relocating to Europe less than a year after reentry.
And this is where reverse culture shock -- the disorientation felt when returning to your home country after being gone for a significant amount of time -- attacked me full-force.
But it's the double-jeopardy version: I've come back to America, not to settle down, but to reside for more than the average summer vacation before jetting off again. The stakes are higher, the risks greater. There is no time limit on readjustment. I couldn't say to myself, "I'll get over reverse culture shock in a couple months". Similar to grief (which is a component of RCS), I never knew when I would feel it the most, or when I would be ready to move on. By "move on" I mean either reside in America on a permanent basis or move to another country (currently, my eye is on Greece).
Should I treat these 8 months as I would an extended summer vacation? Do I dare lay roots knowing I'll be uprooting myself mere months later? Do I build a community knowing I will be extracting myself later? Or do I live as though my life here truly is temporary -- keeping relationships at a distance so as not to feel wounded when I leave? When I say it is a nauseating limbo, I mean it -- I don't know how to respond and react to people I've either known most of my life or have recently met. I'm constantly questioning the worth of investing in relationship. I'm questioning how despondent I'll feel later when I don't have the opportunity to see them at leisure. Pouring myself into others, as others are pouring into me, takes energy.
And so I live in limbo, and to an extent, self-loathing for wanting to distance myself, yet hating not being able to live in community. I'll get into specifics in my next post. I promise. The journey is far from over, despite me living in Oregon for 8 months now.
If you'd like to read up on culture shock and reverse culture shock, here are a few websites/blogs that put into words things that I cannot. What I'll be writing here is my personal experience, not necessarily the generalized experiences common to those going through culture shock and reverse culture shock.
State government: https://www.state.gov/m/fsi/tc/c56075.htm
Blog: https://www.alifeoverseas.com/coming-back-from-narnia-what-re-entry-feels-like/
Blog: https://thesavvybackpacker.com/reverse-culture-shock/
The first shock happens when you make a substantial move from your home country to another country.
For me, this occurred when I moved to Bangkok, Thailand in July 2010. I was frustrated with myself for not adjusting better, thinking that I’d been familiar with Asian culture all my life, therefore, I could handle Thailand. I was woefully wrong. It took me six months before I could call Thailand home, and even after the first year of living abroad, I was still discovering new things about my new home that shocked me. The move to Seoul, Korea in July of 2016 was much smoother — practically seamless. I had a much more realistic view of the adjustment that needed to take place. I expected to not understand everything about the country and the people around me. I accepted my place as a foreigner, and that I would never be “Korean”.
But then I moved back to America — temporarily — and have found myself residing in a nauseating limbo, hovering somewhere between going and staying. I know that life in Oregon is only a time to regroup, recharge, and reassess my future endeavors. I know that I'll be relocating to Europe less than a year after reentry.
And this is where reverse culture shock -- the disorientation felt when returning to your home country after being gone for a significant amount of time -- attacked me full-force.
But it's the double-jeopardy version: I've come back to America, not to settle down, but to reside for more than the average summer vacation before jetting off again. The stakes are higher, the risks greater. There is no time limit on readjustment. I couldn't say to myself, "I'll get over reverse culture shock in a couple months". Similar to grief (which is a component of RCS), I never knew when I would feel it the most, or when I would be ready to move on. By "move on" I mean either reside in America on a permanent basis or move to another country (currently, my eye is on Greece).
The question I've had to ask myself is what should I do with this in-between time?
Should I treat these 8 months as I would an extended summer vacation? Do I dare lay roots knowing I'll be uprooting myself mere months later? Do I build a community knowing I will be extracting myself later? Or do I live as though my life here truly is temporary -- keeping relationships at a distance so as not to feel wounded when I leave? When I say it is a nauseating limbo, I mean it -- I don't know how to respond and react to people I've either known most of my life or have recently met. I'm constantly questioning the worth of investing in relationship. I'm questioning how despondent I'll feel later when I don't have the opportunity to see them at leisure. Pouring myself into others, as others are pouring into me, takes energy.
Ultimately, I know it is not wasted. But will it be regretted due to sadness?
And so I live in limbo, and to an extent, self-loathing for wanting to distance myself, yet hating not being able to live in community. I'll get into specifics in my next post. I promise. The journey is far from over, despite me living in Oregon for 8 months now.
If you'd like to read up on culture shock and reverse culture shock, here are a few websites/blogs that put into words things that I cannot. What I'll be writing here is my personal experience, not necessarily the generalized experiences common to those going through culture shock and reverse culture shock.
State government: https://www.state.gov/m/fsi/tc/c56075.htm
Blog: https://www.alifeoverseas.com/coming-back-from-narnia-what-re-entry-feels-like/
Blog: https://thesavvybackpacker.com/reverse-culture-shock/
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