I survived today.

Today was a matter of survival. Not in a Hunger Games kind of way, but by all other accounts, I finally reached the end of my rope.

These last several weeks have been one crazy activity after another with very little respite in sight. Yesterday was the Makabucha holiday so we didn't have school. Although I was able to sleep in, there were still things planned for the day that 'needed' to be done. Not 'needed' in the essential way, but needed in the way that I planned to do it. When I plan something I do it. Call it stubborn if you want, but I call it reliable. Well at the end of the day, I worked out for the first time in weeks. Not only did I work out, but I doubled my normal workout routine. Getting done at 9:20pm probably didn't help matters; as tired as I was, it was well after midnight before I was able to fall asleep. I literally had to drag my body out of bed this morning.
That kind of morning called for a rarely-taken coffee. Since I've laid off coffee for quite some time, the effect was a steady attack of the jitters. I was wide awake, but not fully-functional; I couldn't focus on tasks, had little patience with students, and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. And it just got better. Temper rose to the foreground during the after-school basketball game -- I was upset at the whistle-happy ref, I was upset at the game, but I was mostly upset with myself. By the end of the game, my frustration brimmed over in a few tears. Not to worry, though, I was sweating so badly that the tears blended in.

I can only blame the culmination of tears on the overwhelming schedule I've unfortunately kept up for too long. Ironically, back in college I loved being kept busy -- balancing school work, RA duties, sports, and my social butterfly tendencies. Nowadays, I feel cranky, frustrated, and inadequate if I fail to complete my appointed rounds. Finally today I trudged along through classes, play rehearsal, basketball game, and finally dinner-making.

A true break still won't come for another 3 weeks. I only hope that these next 3 weeks will not simply be a game of survival or filled with coping mechanisms. It's funny how 'required' extra-curricular activities, school work, errand-running, and socializing blend in to a ridiculously full schedule -- one that stresses me out on occasions like this.