At the
beginning of spring, I returned to America quietly. In light of the global
pandemic, all eyes focused on the corona virus and how it would affect everyone
on a personal level. I saw no reason to distract from that, and so quarantine
was a time of blessed rest. I couldn't see friends in person, and I still felt
strange about conducting a social life through video chat. Ironic. One would
think that this technological age prepared me for such a time. But it seemed
ridiculous that with friends just down the street, the only way to see them
would be though a screen. I came back from living in Greece for a year, living
a life that was incredibly new to me, and yet I've had precious little chance
to tell people about it. But this is not a story about Greece.
In one year God redirected my life in a way I would never have foreseen. He
sent me to Greece, opened up doors for me to volunteer in Spain for a week
during Europe's holiday high season, and introduced me to an amazing man in a
way so creatively comedic, that only He could mastermind. I never
imagined that saying "yes" to God in one area of my life meant He
would shower me with His blessings in a completely different area. It was as if
He was saying, "Just trust me, Lissa. Show me you can trust me, and I'll
show you what I have in store."
And then He did.
However, coming back to Oregon in the midst of "stay home, stay
safe" hasn't granted much opportunity to share with friends the magnitude
of this whirlwind relationship. I was blessed with a beautiful set of friends
in Athens who excitedly supported me through this long-distance relationship
(and we were long-distance from the beginning!). They listened with patient
smiles as I questioned skeptically if this could be real. If he was
real. They let me talk through my doubts while I was still bewildered by a man
pursuing me from the other side of the continent. They would even let me sing
his praises in awe and wonder. And whenever Mat would come to town, they
eagerly asked to meet him to see if he lived up to the picture I had painted
for them.
And he did.
But now, as spring is slipping into summer, I have shared with precious few people about the man who relentlessly pursued me. The corona virus has given new meaning to the term "being flexible"; disrupting our lives not with its destructive hold on our lungs, but by throwing all sense of planning and timelines out the window. I've patiently (and sometimes impatiently) waited 35 years to meet the man God had in store for me. Thirty-five years of being baffled by the world of dating, resting just on the fringes of the wonderful mystery of love. Thirty-five years of wondering if perhaps I really was meant to be alone. And while I'm thankful for technology (despite it not working regularly), I find my patience wearing thin because we don't know when we will be reunited.
You see, I'm supposed to be engaged right now. And in my mind, I feel like I am. An engagement simply signifies the intentions of two people to get married and actively take steps in that direction (i.e.: plan a wedding!). Yet, as an American, we have certain traditions that proclaim us engaged...or not. A proposal is the official beginning of an engagement. And as one friend pointed out: "no ring, no engagement." Deep down in my traditional mindset, I would be inclined to agree. But if I am honest, I am devastated by the perception and would rather throw such nonsense out the window. It's not our fault both his country and mine will not allow us to be together due to lockdowns and flight bans. And so I sheepishly tell people about Mat, hedging around the most important detail I want to share, realizing I am missing the tell-tale ring on my left hand. Being intentionally vague isn't my style. Being sheepish isn't either. But how can I possibly tell people we are getting married without a ring? How do I explain planning a wedding when I'm not technically engaged yet?
However, the worst part about our situation isn't that we aren't engaged, but that we have to be separated without knowing when we can see each other again. We aren't in the same city, just at opposite ends; leisurely dating until the world calms down and we can put our plans into action. We aren't in the same country even, separated by a few hours' drive. No; we have an ocean, a continent, and 9 time zones between us. We live in two countries that have banned travel between each other. We try to console one another, saying it's only temporary (and in my mind I know this to be true). But the truth is I can't even use a countdown to look forward to being reunited because there simply isn't a definitive date.
I am praying for the Lord to direct our steps. I am praying for a patient heart and a joyful spirit.
As much as I am trying to follow the stay-home orders, my heart is hurting for local community. Being separated from Mat is hard enough, but it is compounded by being separated from friends I've known for years. I want to support my community and be supported in return. I hate feeling adrift, without direction, and this spring has felt like that as I've stayed cooped up at home. Although I may not have Mat to visit just a few blocks away, I do have a town filled with friends. And so as the calendar tells me I am now 35, it is time to reconnect with my people. :)
For now I wait 8,487 kilometers away, praying that Mat and I can be reunited. He's a pretty special guy after all. He's the man teaching me what it means to love as Christ loves. He's the man showing me every day what it means to love, honor, and cherish. And I am blown away. My daily prayer is that God will show me how to love in return.<3 br="">
