We're not talking annoyed, maybe a little upset, or even frustrated. We're talking I'm-so-mad-I-can't-remember-what-it's-like-to-even-fake-smile kind of mad.
And the easiest way to see this flip side of me is to treat me like a child and take away my right to make decisions on my own. We're talking deciding anything. Because apparently I am not old enough to make basic decisions on my own, such as when to eat, what time to go to bed, or where to stand on a sidewalk. Last time I checked, I'm 25 -- I can rent a car, buy my own house, and, oh yeah, move to another country on my own.
Let me detail this out, just in case you're tempted to treat me this way or are frightfully concerned that you might have already done it:
1. "Come eat Lissa, you haven't had lunch yet."
You're right, I haven't. But that's because I had breakfast an hour ago.
2. "What? You're going to the market on your own? You don't know how to get there."
Of course I do, I'm not an idiot; we were there last week.
3. "How are you going to get there?"
By taxi. I'm no country bumpkin -- I can flag a taxi, tell him where I want to go, and pay -- all on my own.
4. "What do you want to order [food]? I'll get it for you."
Thanks for the offer, but they speak English. I speak English. I think we'll get along just fine.
5. "You want to rest? Go downstairs and nap."
I just woke up three hours ago. I'm not sleepy, and I didn't come here to sleep.
6. "How are you going to shop/pay for that?" (at an open market)
Does it look like I'm five? I have money, and money talks. Besides, I haggle better in English. If they want to make a sale, they'll lower their price.
7. "Here, stand here."
What difference does it make if I stand here or two feet away? I won't get lost.
8. "You'll want to use this straw -- it's still wrapped in plastic."
I think I'll take my chances with this straw that's only wrapped in paper.
9. "Don't talk when we get in the taxi; they'll charge us more."
It's a metered taxi, there's no way to charge us more just because we're speaking English. Have more faith in your countrymen. Besides, it's not like I can hide my American side.
10. "Why are you walking so far ahead?"
Because you're walking too slow. We want to get there today right?
11. "What? You think you can go there on your own?"
Contrary to this time-warped belief, I actually do things without someone walking me through it. Let me reiterate: We all speak the same language.
12. "Does [the rash] flare up on her hands a lot?" (doctor says to my mother who insisted on following me into the doctor's office)
Hello? I'm sitting a foot away from you, I'm the patient, and I also communicate in English. Would you mind directing all your questions to me?
13. "You want to go to the beach -- here, tell your mother you want to go.
Umm...why do I need to run this by her again? I'm pretty sure I can make up my own mind on this one, and if I want to go, I don't need her permission. Thanks for the suggestion though.
14. "Kick the door open, you don't want to use your hand."
Yes I do want to use my hand. If I need to, I have hand sanitizer in my purse.
15. "Lissa, hurry get under the umbrella, it's raining."
I know it's raining, that's why I'm out here. I like tropical rain.
So please, for the sake of both of us, don't push me down this road. I'd like to not kill you. The moment you start making decisions for me without my input is the moment I cannot guarantee your safety.
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